


Unwanted and Unchanged

by beckydawolf



Category: Marvel 616, Spider-Woman (Comic)
Genre: Abortion, Adoption, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F, Fix-It, Pregnancy, Unwanted Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-05-03 17:08:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5299445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beckydawolf/pseuds/beckydawolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jessica is pregnant with a baby she doesn't want. Carol stays by her side through all nine months.</p><p>Alternate title: Plan B, Termination and Adoption Are All Viable Choices, Personality Transplants Are Not</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unwanted and Unchanged

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of Jessica Drew happily pregnant makes me sick to my stomach. I wanted to write a story that explained and made sense of why a woman with superpowers who doesn't like kids might go to full term. 
> 
> Warnings: this fic is about an unwanted pregnancy and having to keep that pregnancy. It also contains descriptions of different types of abortions.
> 
> It does, however, have a happy ending all round.

"I'm pregnant," Jess says, leaning over the sink, her hair hanging down and obscuring her face.

Carol doesn't ask if she's sure. The set of her shoulders, braced as if to walk headlong in to a hurricane, tells her she is.

"I'm not keeping it," she continues.

The bathroom smells of detergent, every white surface reflecting light a little too brightly for comfort. Carol shifts and sets off a hand-drier with her elbow.

"You want to talk about it?" Carol asks over the noise.

"Not really. Do you?"

If she's being honest, she would, she really would. But Jess clearly doesn't.

"Have you... made an appointment?"

Jess nods. Only then does she look up, meeting Carol's eyes in the mirror.

"You'll come with me?" It's barely more than a murmur but Carol can hear the fear laced in every syllable.

" _Of course _  I will."

Her words are forceful – she wants Jess to be in no doubt that she would do anything she asks – and for a moment she's afraid that they're  too much, that she's startled her. But Jess smiles weakly, just enough for Carol to see she understands. Then, Jess splashes some water on her face, clears her throat, straightens up, and it's almost like the conversation never happened.

Jess doesn't say a nything else about it until the day before the appointment and, even then, only to give Carol a time and a place. It's so out of the blue it takes Carol a beat to make the connection but, in that pause, she sees the panic behind Jess's eyes.

"I'll be there," Carol says quickly and hopes Jess believes her.

* * *

** 15 Weeks **

It's not until they're in the clinic, sat in the doctor's office, that Carol begins to understand that this is not Jess's first visit. And that she's much further along than Carol assumed.

"Having tried a medical abortion – the abortion pill," the doctor clarifies, " - and had it fail, I'm reluctant to try it a second time. Add to that, Plan B didn't seem to work for you either, so it would probably be pointless."

"So, I'm stuck with... it?" Jess asks.

The doctor shakes her head. "Not at all. The pill is less invasive – especially in the early stages of pregnancy – but it's not our only option." She looks down at Jess's notes. "You're just past fifteen weeks, which rules out some types of surgical termination but by no means all. If you're happy to go forward, we can do it today."

Fifteen weeks? How long has Jess been keeping this a secret? She hasn't started to show yet but it can't be far off. Or, at least, Carol thinks it can't be. Honestly, her knowledge about the subject doesn't extend much further than the monthly party her body throws to tell her she's not.

The next thing Carol knows, Jess is in stirrups, the doctor's between her legs and Carol is hovering next to her, not really sure what to do.

"Hold me down," Jess says. "Please."

Jess hasn't even had a local anesthetic. The doctor gave her some heavy sedatives but all they've done is mellow her out a little. Drugs never work on Jess and this is going to hurt. Of course it is, she's about to have instruments inserted in to her body, up the tiny opening in her cervix, and into her womb. The doctor has relaxed her cervix a little but that won't stop it being painful. She could seriously hurt herself if she tries to jerk away at the wrong moment.

Carol places one arm firmly across her abdomen to keep her hips immobile and the other across her chest. The paper robe Jess is wearing feels rough against the skin of Carol's forearm; she can't imagine how unpleasant it must be for Jess. Jess's hands come up to grip her arm as she turns her head to look at Carol, their faces just inches apart.

"Squeeze as hard as you need," Carol tells her. "You can't hurt me."

"Okay," Jess whispers back.

As the doctor inserts the first implement in to Jess, her eye s squeeze shut. A pained whimper escapes her tightly pressed mouth. Carol's gaze stays fixed on her face, the only part of Jess free to move as the doctor works. Her nails dig in to Carol's arm.

The doctor sits back, brow furrowed.

"You're doing great, Jess," she says. "I'll be right back."

Jess unscrews her face, opening her eyes as the doctor leaves the room, and she looks up at Carol. She doesn't say anything; she doesn't have to. Carol knows she's scared.

"It's probably nothing," Carol reassures her.

Jess lets out a slow shaky breath, as if trying to push her anxieties out with the air. Her head hangs forward, chin resting on Carol's forearm. Carol squeezes her bicep comfortingly.

"Probably nothing," Carol repeats. She doesn't know if she's trying to convince Jess or herself.

The doctor returns with a colleague, a tall thin man who looks like he's been stretched up but not out. She tells Jess that he's going to take a quick look at her. In under two minutes, he's wearing the same frown as Jess's first doc tor.

"What is it?" Jess asks. "What's going on?"

The two doctors exchange a look.

"I've never seen anything like it," the male doctor says. In Carol's experience, that's not a good thing to hear. Those words never lead to anything but trouble. "The fetus w on't detach from the wall of the uterus. We can't seem to make it. There are other methods we can try but-"

"No," Jess says, sounding defeated. "They're not going to work. If this didn't, why would anything else?"

"What about the father?" Carol asks. "Is he... like us? His biology could be causing this and if we know more about it-"

Jess shakes her head. "He's normal. This... this is all me. All my body."

Her shoulders slump. Carol holds her tight as Jess fights away tears.

* * *

** 17 Weeks **

After the clinic,  Jess disappears. Carol asks around but no one else has seen her. In fact, with the exception of Natasha, Carol's the only one who seems to be concerned about her. Even Natasha – who concedes it's strange that neither of them have heard from her – thinks it 's too soon to start worrying.

Of course no one else is concerned: Carol's the only one who knows she's pregnant. Which means Carol's the only person with any idea of Jess's mental state. She's carrying a baby she doesn't want; Carol doesn't want to consider what she might do.

"Hey," Jess says.

Carol spins around and there she is, sat outside a diner a few blocks from the Tower. She wants to scream at her. She wants to hug her. She wants to know she's safe.

"You okay?" Jess asks.

"Am I– Am  _I_ okay?" Carol rushes over to her. "Where the  _hell_ have you been?"   


Jess flinches away from her.

"That's not what I-" Carol tries, running a hand through her hair. "You had me worried is all."

"I've dropped off the radar before. You don't usually get worked up over it."

"You're not usually-" She stops abruptly.

"Forcibly pregnant by act of god?" Jess offers.

Carol laughs hollowly. "That's one way of putting it."

Jess shifts and Carol can see her clothes fitting a little tighter, pulling taught across her breasts and belly.

"You've put on weight," Carol says.

"You're really bad at being comforting, you know that?"

"Sorry." She drops down in to the chair opposite Jess. "We could go shopping, if you want? I don't have anywhere else to be this afternoon. We could buy you some maternity clothes?"

Jess smiles at her sadly.

"I'm okay, Carol. Really."

For some reason, she doesn't believe her.

* * *

** 18 Weeks **

It's the smell that hits her first, sharp in the back of her throat, as she walks in to the mansion drawing room. Alcohol: familiar and tempting for reasons Carol doesn't remember. She stops dead in her tracks. Natasha almost walks in to her back.

"Hey-yah," Jess sing-songs from the middle of the floor. She tries to climb to her feet but winds up toppling sideways, landing heavily  on one hand.

"Jess, are you drunk?" Carol asks.

"Maybe a _little_ ," she giggles.

"You can't do that. Not any more. You'll-"

"I'll what?" Jess sneers. "Hurt the baby?"

"Yes," says Natasha simply, stepping around the couch.

"It's not 'Jess, you'll hurt yourself'. It's 'Jess, you'll hurt the baby'. Good. Fuck the fucking thing." She picks up a bottle and suckles at it. "Did Carol tell you? That I'm pre- pregnant."

"She wouldn't do that," Natasha say. "But I figured it out myself. You've not done a great job of  hiding it."   


"Fuck." Jess slumps forward, hair hanging in her face. "Does everyone know?"   


"It's... an open secret."

"Fuck," Jess says again. Her face crumples and she starts to cry. " _Fuck_. "

Natasha kneels down beside her and reaches for the bottle. Jess's drunken grip tightens around it. Carol's eyes flick to the remaining liquid.

It would be so easy to go over, take it from her and drink it herself. Jess is in so much pain and there's nothing Carol can do to help her. She feels so useless, so weak. A drink -

"Go," Natasha says to her. "I'll take care of her."

"Are you sure?"

Natasha nods. Carol flees the room, feeling like a coward, with the sounds of Jess's sobs following behind her.

* * *

** 21 Weeks **

"I'm sorry," Jess says. "The other night – that was really shitty of me."

"Yeah, it was," Carol replies. She takes Jess's hand and gives it a squeeze. "But this whole thing is a shitty situation."

"Thank you for coming with me. I don't think I could... I  _could_ do this on my own but I'm glad you're here."

The checkup is emotionally draining for them both. Carol wants to be excited – her best friend is  _pregnant_ , after all – but she has to keep a handle on it. Jess, on the other hand, is distant through the whole thing; she clearly doesn't want to be here. She doesn't want to see the sonogram, doesn't want to know the sex of the baby, doesn't want any of it. Every question she answers with a one word answer or simple one shake of her head.

The pregnancy is about halfway through and it's obvious Jess just wants it to be done.

* * *

** 25 Weeks **

"What are you doing up here?" Carol asks.

Wind whips around them both high on the top of the Tower. Jess's swollen belly sticks out over the edge of the roof in front of her.

"Thinking about jumping," Jess replies.

" _ Jess _ -"

She waves Carol away.

"I'm not going to. But I've done it before. Just jumped – without my suit – and survived."

"Your body's different now. You can't know that will happen."

Jess shrugs, looking down in to the Manhattan night below. "Might make it."

"Or you might not." Carol takes a step towards her. "Jess, come inside. Please."

Jess steps back from the edge.

"I wasn't going to jump," she says.

"I believe you."

"I've got to find something to do with... it. When it's born. Someone to take it."

"There's not a lot you can do about that tonight. Come inside and we'll watch some TV, okay?"

Jess smiles sadly. "Sounds good."

They only get halfway through an episode of  _Dog Cops _ before Jess falls asleep on Carol's shoulder. Carol switches off the TV and gently pulls Jess in to her arms. Then, she carries Jess through to one of the Tower's guest rooms, setting her softly on the bed. She pulls the covers up over Jess, tucking her in.

"Don't go," Jess mumbles, eyes still closed. "Please."

"Get some sleep," Carol says, standing up straight.

A hand reaches out and curls around her thigh. " _Please _ ."

With her dark hair spread messily over the pillows, like an oil spill against the ivory cotton, Jess looks so vulnerable, so tired and, worst of all, so alone. She's so close to sleep,  Carol could slip out without her ever knowing. But she wants to stay. She wants to make sure Jess is going to be all right, at least for one night.

Carol eases the hand from her leg and places it gently next to Jess's face. Then, she sits on the bed behind Jess, settling down to watch her sleep. Jess makes a distressed little noise.

"I'm right here," Carol tells her. "Sleep."

Jess reaches for her again so Carol lies back on the covers, wanting to stay close. Half asleep, Jess presses herself up against Carol, the comforter the only thing between them. Tentatively, Carol wraps one arm around her, careful to keep it above the swell of her stomach. Tension seeps from Jess's shoulders and she finally drifts off. Moments later, Carol follows her, Jess safe for now in her arms.

* * *

** 28  Weeks **

The heavy bag thuds as Steve's fists slam in to it. There's a thin sheen of sweat on his brow. Carol holds the bag stable as he punches it again.

"I need your help with something," he says, landing another series of jabs. "But I don't think you're gonna like it much."

"Okay," Carol replies warily.

"Jess's baby: has she found a family for it yet?"

Newborns, it turns out, are few and far between. The agency literally has people queuing up to adopt one. They gave Jess the details of several families who want to take her baby.

"She's still making up her mind between them."

Steve drops his fists and wipes his face with a towel.

"These families, they're not like us are they?"

Something uncomfortable settles in the pit of her stomach.

"Steve, what's this about?'

"Has she considered," he asks, "what could happen if the child grows up to have powers? How the child might feel in a family that's not equipped to deal with that?"

"It's Jess's baby," she says stubbornly. "It's her decision where it goes."

Steve holds his hands up.

"Of course it is. I just want to be sure she's properly thought through all the consequences."

"'Consequences'?" Carol's pretty close to throwing the punch bag at him. "You mean the kid gets to grow up in a happy, stable family? Rather than with a mother who never wanted them in the first place in all this craziness? You mean those consequences?"

He clenches his jaw.

"We've both seen it Carol, what can happen when someone with powers doesn't have the right support.When they feel rejected by their families."

"Are you saying Jess's baby is going to be a  _vill ain_?"

"I'm saying the child might, if they don't go to the right family."

She crosses her arms over her chest.

"Why are you telling me this? Why not her?"

"You're her best friend. If you were to bring these... concerns to her, then she'd probably be a lot more receptive to them than if they came from me."

"Are you actually asking me to persuade her to keep the baby? I never thought you were that much of an asshole, Steve."

"Not keep the baby. Just to find a family who will know how to handle a child who's special."

"There's no guarantee the baby will inherit her powers."

"There's no guarantee they won't."

She tears the bag from its hook and throws it against the wall. The plaster crumbles, dust falling to the floor.

"I can look - just look - but it's still Jess's choice. If she doesn't want to give the baby to someone like us, she doesn't have to."

Steve nods. "That's fair."

"You were right," she says. "What you had to ask, I didn't like it."

* * *

** 29  Weeks **

She doesn't tell Jess about her conversation with Steve, not right away. But, she has to, she knows that. Partly because, ever since putting the baby up for adoption became a serious option, there's been a little voice in the back of her head saying exactly the same thing.

It doesn't go well.

"You want me to  _what_?" Jess yells. "No. No fucking way. I'm not keeping it."

"I'm not asking you to," Carol replies, trying to keep her voice reasonable. "Just to consider that giving it to someone who's not like us might not be in the baby's best interests."

Jess sags, the fight going out of her.

"Okay. That's- You scared me." Jess meets her eyes, pleading. "I can't raise this baby. I can't."

"I know. If we - " Carol takes her hand. "- and I mean 'we' - find someone, then you won't have to."

Jess leans forward and rests her head on Carol's shoulder, her stomach feeling huge between them.

"We'll find someone," Carol promises.

To be honest, Carol has no idea how to find new parents for the baby. Where would she even start? It's not like she can walk up to a another cape after a fight and say, "Hey, want to adopt my best-maybe-something-more-friend's baby?" And it's not like she can take out a want ad or put it up on craigslist.

Actually...

The hero grapevine is notorious in its efficiency. If she does it right, she may not have to look too hard, someone could come to her.

She gets lunch with the right people, drops by some old friends for a coffee and makes sure she says the right thing to those with a tendency towards gossip.

"Have you heard Jess is looking for a family for her baby?" she says to Jan over salads with names she can't pronounce. "I know you mostly know heroes but have you heard of anyone looking to adopt?"

"Oh, Jess? She's doing well. Not long now," she tells Sue when she asks after Jess. "The only worry is if the baby has powers. That's not really something you can prepare people for, you know."

"No, Jess doesn't know the baby's gender," she replies as she sips at McCoy's artisan coffee blend. "Hopefully that won't put off any prospective parents. That and the potential it might have... well, you know."

* * *

** 31  Weeks **

It works, it actually works. They find someone who wants to take her baby.

"Carol," Wanda says, shuffling a little nervously. "Can I have a word?"

"Sure. I was just about to get a snack. Want to join me?"

Wanda follows her in to the mansion's kitchen and perches on a stool.

"It's about-," she starts. "I wanted to get your opinion on- What do you think of me approaching Jessica? About the baby?"

"You want to adopt it?"

"Am I being crazy?"

Carol has noticed the way Wanda looks at Jess, of course she has. The way she keeps her distance but her eyes still linger on Jess's belly. She thought it was... grief, maybe. Her time with her children was cut short - they're young  adults now - why wouldn't it provoke feelings in her?

But she hadn't considered it could be envy. Even though Carol doesn't remember Wanda's struggles to have children, she does know about them. It's kind of perfect in its own way. On one side, she has a friend who's desperate to be a mother and, on the other, a friend who's desperate not to be.

"Of course it's not crazy," Carol tells her.

"You think? I don't know. When I had William and Thomas, I was with the Vision. This time I'd be doing it alone."

"Jess is only having the one baby, if that helps. Half as many kids, half the work, right?"

Wanda laughs, clear and bright. "It doesn't really work like that."

"Do you want to do this?" Carol asks her seriously.

"Yeah, I really think I do." Concern flits across  Wanda's face suddenly. "Unless she's already found someone. She hasn't, has she?"

Carol has to hold back a laugh of her own. "I think she has now."

* * *

** 38 Weeks **

Jessica is huge and looks like she could pop at any moment. She groans as she flops down on to Carol's couch.

"I hate this," she says.

"I know," Carol replies.

"My feet hurt."

"I know."

"This sucks."

"I know."

"Stop saying 'I know'."

"I know."

Jess throws a cushion at her head.

* * *

** 39 Weeks **

"I am never having sex again," Jess declares. She gestures to her stomach. "If this is what happens when you have sex, I am never ever putting a penis inside me again."

Carol eyes her skeptically.

"Do you really think I believe that?" she counters. Although, if she's honest, she doesn't want anyone else having sex with Jess ever again. But it's not her place to ask that, not yet.

"You're right," Jess says. "I have no willpower when it comes to sexytimes ."

"'Sexytimes '?"

"Shut up."

* * *

** 40 Weeks **

Jess is still pregnant and she still hates it.

* * *

** 41 Weeks **

The baby still hasn't arrived. Jess still hates it.

* * *

** 41 Weeks **

Still no baby.

* * * 

** 41 Weeks **

Still pregnant.

* * *

** 42 Weeks **

No baby yet.

* * *

** 42 Weeks **

Still no.   


* * *

** 42 Weeks **

Still-

Jess cries out in pain.

* * *

** 42 Weeks **

Birth is beautiful. Birth is the moment when a person comes in to the world. It's a natural process that women have been doing for millennia. It's painful, sure, but it's all worth it for that first newborn cry.

At least that's what Carol always been told.

It's not this. It's not her g- Jess screaming in agony, clawing at the hospital bed, begging someone - anyone - to make it stop, please please please,  _make it stop_. There's no painkiller or epidural on earth that will be effective on Jess. Carol's seen dying men with a gut wound in less pain than Jess.

"I'm here," she says, like it's supposed to be reassuring, like it could offer some comfort.

Jess howls with pain as another contraction rips through her, leaves her sobbing.

"Carol," she gasps, clutching at her arm. "I can't, I can't-"

"Yes, you can. You're strong, so strong Jess. You can do this."

Jess whimpers then starts screaming again.

For ten hours, Carol stays at her side as she cries through every contraction. At one point Jess, so lost to the pain, zaps her full in the chest. Carol only has a moment to spot the blue energy crackling around her fist before she goes flying across the room.

Then, the screaming is almost constant, a continuous string of profanity, pleading and pain, as the baby gets closer and closer. There's blood and other fluids all over the sheets and the horrible wet sound of something tearing.

Finally, _finally_ , there's this tiny little shape, pink and covered in mucus and blood, and it's over.

A nurse wraps it tightly in a blanket. Then, the doctor asks if Jess wants to hold him. It's a him, apparently. Jess's eyes flick to him and for a moment there's hesitation on her face. Then, she shakes her head.

"His mom is waiting outside for him," Jess says, exhausted.

"Can I?" Carol asks. "Can I take him to her?"

They hand her the baby, so soft and delicate. He has a tuft of dark hair, completely unlike Jess's natural auburn. His tiny eyes, only barely open, are dark too.

Wanda has been in the waiting room for hours, ever since Carol called to let her know they were on their way to the hospital.

"Wanda?"

Her head shoots up. When she sees the bundle in Carol's arms, her face lights up brighter than the sun.

"There's someone I'd like you to meet," Carol says. "This is your son."

Wanda takes him from her, cradling his head expertly.

"Hello, little man," she says to him. "You don't have a name yet, do you? Well, I already have a William and a Thomas. You, I think, are an Edward." She nods sagely. "Yes. Hello, Edward Maximoff."

Carol leaves them to get to know each other and goes back to Jess. She's a sweaty mess but she looks calmer - happier, even - now it's over. Jess smiles at her tiredly.

"There are stitches in my vagina," she giggles, then regrets it. "Ow."

"You okay?" Carol asks.

"You know how I said everything hurt?" Carol nods. "I was wrong.  _Now_ everything hurts." Jess bites her lip then asks, "Is the baby okay ?"

"He's fine. He's with Wanda. They're getting to know each other."

Jess tries to unsuccessfully stifle a yawn.

"Get some sleep, Jess. You've got to be exhausted."

She nods sleepily. "Will you stay?"

Carol climbs on to the bed next to her and starts to stroke her hair. Jess's eyes flutter closed.

"That feels nice," she murmurs. Jess leans forward, closing the few inches between them, and presses a soft kiss to Carol's lips. "Thank you. For everything."

"Sleep now," Carol tells her. "You've done the hard work, it's over now."

Carol watches her sleep, a smile and the feeling of Jess's kiss lingering on her lips.


End file.
